Learning to Live Mindfully

 Several months back I wrote about the role of religion in my life. I touched on the role that the teaching of the Buddha now impacts how I live and how I view life.  I discovered Thich Nhat Han ( 1926 - 2022)  a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, poet and teacher. He is recognized as the founder of engaged Buddhism and the "father of mindfulness". I discovered his teachings when it was recommended that I read his book "Peace is Every Step." My eyes weren't really opened though until I read his book, " The Heart of the Buddha's Teachings". I have since read and re-read close to a dozen of his books. I begin my day with a daily passage from his book " Your True Home". It is a collection of his wisdom for a years worth of daily readings. It is such a positive start to my day. I read a passage at the conclusion of my yoga and morning meditation. 

Growing up I would occasionally hear mention of Buddhism. I was fascinated by the peacefulness and kindness to all living things that was practiced. The movie Seven years in Tibet piqued my interest a bit more. But I never pursued learning more. It was only in the past few years that I knew I wanted to live a better life. I needed to put the past behind me. I wanted to live life in the present. 

Being aware of the interconnectedness of everything that exists and the impermanence of it all grounds my belief in living in the present moment. I also am more aware when thoughts of the past or worries about the future invade my thoughts. I have learned how to put them aside. I have also been able to bring closure to many of the traumatic events from my past. I have become more grateful of the things I have, and am less driven to obtain more material possessions. I live more to experience life. 

I am still a work in progress. I am trying to be kinder to others. To not angry or get frustrated (especially at other drivers). I am working on being kinder to our natural world. I try to consume products that are kinder on our environment. I buy used /re-sale products when I can. I eat a mostly plant-based diet. I do eat fish and will occasionally eat meat, but I do try to be aware of how it is sourced. I garden and grow plants that are native to my area so I do not need to use chemicals or extra water to keep them alive and thriving. 

Meditating is an important part of living mindfully. I have time set aside during my day to meditate. I don't spend hours, sometimes just minutes. I am working to improve the quality and time I spend meditating. I am currently focusing on walking meditation. Ideally I would be able to practice this while walking in nature, but this being Texas I put it into practice while at the fitness center. While I am on the Stair Master I focus on how my foot feels as I take each step/ How does my foot move, how it feels as I place my weight on that foot. I am aware of the sensation of my foot sinking into the cushioning of my shoe. I notice the connection to the stair master as I place my foot for each step. I imagine that I am outside, stepping on a path. Connecting with all that is. I also carry these thoughts to my time on the treadmill. I am not as aware of the feeling of each step as the pace of walking is much faster. But I do my best to be aware of the moment. This meditation while working out as led me to surpass my weekly goals. 

These are my go to meditations for short  timeframes throughout my day or when I am unwinding to sleep. They are one from my readings of Thich Nhat Han.

Breathing in I am aware I am breathing in

Breathing out, I am aware I am breathing out

In

Out

Deep Slow

Calm

Ease

Smile 

Release

Present moment

Wonderful moment

I feel I am a mountain

I am solid

    Mountain

    Solid

I feel I am a flower

I am fresh

    Flower

    Fresh

I feel I am still water

I reflect what is real

    Still water

    Reflect

I feel I am in the vastness of space

I am free

    Space

    Free

In 

Out

In

I am free

It is with the I am free I feel a release. A release of what holds me down, and then a release of positive energy to share. I also feel a calmness knowing that one day I will release my final breath and release my energy into the Universe. I will return to that from which I came. 

A Path to New Goals

 In April of 2023 I found myself ready to take a new path. I stumbled across some volunteer opportunities in Nepal that could include a trek to the base of Mount Everest. It immediately inspired me. I do like volunteering and was hoping to do some when I retire. I had always loved to hike, but I had let myself get out of shape and even struggled on short hikes. I wouldn't survive one day of the 12 days to Mount Everest and back. But.... could I get in shape to take it on if I gave myself three years? I really want to do that trek. I decided to give it my best shot. I bought a mini stair stepper to use at home. I started doing yoga. I worked on my breathing, did meditation and worked on living a more mindful life and studied the teachings of the Buddha. I also started going hiking most weekends. 

I was really out of shape. When I first got the stair stepper I could barely do 25 steps. Each week I improved until my knees started to hurt. It wasn't an injury, it was just that they had grown week. Knee braces and yoga exercise to strengthen them. I slowly began to see an improvement. It was slow going though. In August of that year Fantu and I went to Alaska. I had hoped to be strong enough to hike up to the top of Mount Healy at Denali National Park... I barely made it halfway before turning back. I still had a long way to go. By my 65th birthday in December I planned a hiking trip to Enchanted Rock and Lost Maples State Parks. I was determined to get to the top of Enchanted Rock. I took my time, I didn't tackle it head on as some people do but hiked up in a switchback approach. I did it! I then hiked the loop trail that circles it's base to complete over five miles of hiking that day. I then traveled on to Kerrville for the night and to treat myself to some shopping and a nice dinner. The next morning I headed to Lost Maples where I did another long hilly hike with an incline similar to that of Enchanted Rock, It was a beautiful hike and I successfully completed it and then did a bit more along the river trail in Kerrville that afternoon. I hiked over seven miles that day. Through the winter I kept hiking on weekends. I usually went to Mother Neff State Park but I also did two hikes at Colorado Bend State Park. In April Fantu and I went to Cloudcroft New Mexico for several days of hiking. We didn't do as much as I had planned, but we did a minimum of a 4-5 mile hike each day. The altitude impacted us a bit there. If we could have stayed another day of two we probably could have tackled a few longer hikes.  

The weather began to impact my ability to get out on the trails to hike as Spring slid into Summer of 2024. I joined the local fitness center and got serious about getting in shape. I am now up to 1400 steps on the Stair Master at the gym, my goal is 2000 by September. I've added two big hikes to my goal. The first will be this Autumn. Fantu and I are going camping in Colorado. I have several hikes planned that are 9000 - nearly 11,000 foot elevations. We will be finishing up our week there (hopefully well acclimated by then) and will be attempting the Manitou Incline. Success on this will give me the confidence to take on the 5 day Inca Trail trek in Peru in early 2026. I do plan on some additional challenging hikes before then, including a camping/hiking trip to Big Bend National Park next year. Success on each of these hikes will give me the confidence I need to eventually travel to Nepal. 

Am I confident of success? Some days yes, other days no. I have been tempted to walk away from it all. I wonder why I do this? Why work so hard towards a goal that is just for myself? But is it? 

I do this because I love mountains and hiking. I have seen Mountains all across the USA, the Alps in Switzerland, the Simeon Mountains In Ethiopia. If I can see the Andes in Peru  and The Himalayas in Nepal that will be mountains on five continents. I am doing this to inspire my children and grandchildren. To let them know that dreams can be achieved at any age. I want them to know that I didn't sit back with one foot in the grave. I lived my life until the end. I want to be a story that is passed on to future generations. 

I may not be successful. I may have left it too late. But I want to at least be able to say I tried. I did my best. I didn't just sit back and watch life go by. 

            65th Birthday hike to top of Enchanted Rock.

Planning

 I am now less than eighteen months to my retirement date. It's not so close I get excited, but I feel that it is within reach. I have spent the past five years preparing. My first goals were all financial. Pay off all my debts. Save and invest any additional money. I set a strict weekly and monthly budget and I am on the cusp of my goal of being debt free. I have added to my investments. I am fortunate to work for an organization that pays out un-used sick leave and a limited unused vacation time. I have q substantial amount saved up and just have to hope that I do not get sick or injured in the time I have left. The funds from this pay-out are what I plan to use to travel on for the first few years of my retirement. 

My goals right now are to get fit. I started working out fifteen months ago and have recently stepped up the workouts to strengthen my cardio fitness and to get fit enough to tackle some big inclines an some mountain treks I want to attempt. I love to go hiking and go whenever the weather allows. But this being Texas the weather does impact those trips for months at a time. I am a cool/cold weather hiker. My next hiking vacation will be this Autumn. I will be traveling to Colorado Springs area to do some camping and mountain hikes and then attempt the Manitou Incline. Success on it will build my confidence enough to take on additional more challenging hikes. 

When I retire I don't want to sit around. I really want to travel. I hope to do some international volunteering and multi day/week treks. I also hope to do a multi month National park tour through the western U.S. 

I don't want to die sitting at home day after day watching the telly. 

I'd rather be a bears dinner. 

Acceptance

 Today would have been mine and Alan's 28th anniversary. It is the first one since our divorce in 2019 that I can look on it without anger or disgust. I know that what we had at one time was special. I lived an incredible life because of the years I spent with him. It was a pretty amazing journey for all but the last five years

I'll never truly understand how or why it went the way it did. I will never know why he did what he did but always continued to say he loved me. I try to know that it wasn't him but the mental illness that led him to live the way he did those last years of our marriage. I am the person I am now because of that journey. It shaped me into the person I became. I am just saddened by the way it ended. It was not how I imagined my life would be, but it is the life I am living. 

I have found peace, happiness and purpose in this my third life. I have found acceptance... acceptance of the past and the present. I have been humbled. I will create the future that I wish to live. 

           Alan and I on our Wedding Day . July 5, 1996. Kinnitty Castle, Ireland