My Time - Part one

 This, my third life started nearly five years ago when I separated from my second husband. It has taken me most of the past five years to discover myself and get my self on a path that brings me happiness and fulfills me. It has only been in the past year that I truly stepped out of the shadow of my past and decided on the direction I wanted my life to go. It has been with this new passion that I sometimes get hit with a sudden sense that I am living someone else's life. I feel like a stranger in my own body. This life is so different than the one I had thought I would live. How did I get here? I was married to Alan for 23 years, and for most of those years I always knew we would grow old together. It was the only life I imagined. It was traumatic to discover that it had become a lie. The dream of growing old with him became a nightmare. The heartbreak was almost unbearable. Then one day a switch flipped. I had enough of the lies and the pain. I found my strength and knew it was time to move on. I decided to get myself out there and start dating. I met a nice man and we hit it off really well. We started seeing each other regularly. Our relationship became a habit as the Co-vid lockdowns started about six months after we met.  We did some traveling together and I discovered new things about myself that I. I learned a lot and discovered new interests and passions. He opened up a bit of the world to me that allowed me to expand my horizons. I became stuck though. I knew the relationship had run it's course months before it ended. I wasn't sure how to move on, how to get out. Luckily for me he was feeling the same and after some losses in his life he made the move to end our relationship. I have to say I was relieved. This was the push I needed to start to live my own life. To decide what I wanted to do with the years I have remaining. Two failed marriages. Several failed relationships. Putting some of  my dreams and passions aside for my partner. I was done with that. Where do I begin though. What do I want?  

Then one day it just was there. What has made me happy in the past and brought me fulfillment? Where  am I most happy and find the peace that I seek? What will make me a better person? What can I do to inspire others? 

This has to be my time to live for me.